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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Taking long walks on the beach

I feel a restlessness upon me.  I'm itching to do something great and I find myself at the edge of getting to where I want to be but Alas! I have fallen down into a sad state of broke-dom.  Why does money have so much to do with how we run our lives?  How have we let it take over everything we do and how the hell did I get so broke in the first place? ::giggles::
oh well....
Life is handing me a second chance to do something great.  I'm not going to let myself down.  I have several projects coming up and I recommend you go to my professional blog, if you want to get in the know. 

With finding real love, and appreciating myself for the first time in years... I've realized that there is so much more for me to do with myself than I've allowed before.  Stay tuned, kids.
::end transmission::

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Up and Up

Wow.  Things are awesome.  For how long? I have no idea but I'm looking up and I'm crossing, without fear.  Getting myself together and pushing forward even on the worst of days and today I woke up happy.  I'm ecstatic!  I felt a change in the winds before and saw nothing move forward, so instead of waiting I'm going to move as far forward as my heart will take me and I'm not looking back... not looking down. is almost up.  I'm doing it all alone and it's really difficult, but I'll get it together.  I have no choice.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Artists of the month

I'm on the search for 3-6 local Austin artists to spotlight for the next few months in my new online magazine that will be up by May.  I've found some amazing photographers, painters, etc through Austin Art Garage and through Art on 5th Gallery but I know that I'm missing out on many talented people out there.

Help out your friends, or help out yourself, if you have something you're willing to share with the city and state.  Let me know if you or a friend have something really special to contribute to the art community.

Azure Austin will be up and running featuring weekly blogs, news on the latest and greatest restaurants and have a special monthly spotlight on a special artist, photographer, or overall amazing person from the city of Austin and I would love anyone to contribute anything they might know about someone that should be considered for a spot.

Thanks so much, guys!  email me at:

Thursday, March 24, 2011


I took a break from you. Long break. But i'm back.
I've quit my job. I'm so glad. I am not any near where I wanted to be at this age. This is a time for change. A time for me to stop being sad. I am no longer trying to work through depression, crap jobs, kids, PTA, rough relationship issues, college, and the whole time fearing that I can't do what i've always wanted to. I can no longer feel i'm incapable.

Life has not been kind to me. Life has not been kind to many. I've been suffering from serious depression issues since I was 9 because of the hand i've been dealt. I'm psychologically scarred and instead of just trying to keep on truckin' i'm actually going to figure out how I can move on from a painful past and become a healthy, happy, resolved being.

I have photo gigs already. I will buy my online magazine domain in the next few weeks. I will quit being such a chicken-shit and I will sing for a band, own my own business and have free time for my family.

Today is a good day. I'm excited for what tomorrow may bring.
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Thursday, January 27, 2011

How could we know?

I've been thinking so much lately about where I want to be in the next 5 years.  Being happily married, healthy, happy kids, a career.... I thought that would be enough.  Maybe I've grown selfish, but I want to see the world.  I want culture at my fingertips.  I want to walk the marketplace in Morocco, and drink espresso in Paris.  I want to visit a trunk show in Milan, and pick grapes for wine in Italy.  I want to stroll through Central Park, and swim in the Dead Sea; fish in Alaska, and get in a fight with a futbol player in some scrubby bar in England.  I want the good and the bad that the world has to offer.  I want the fine details of every country, city, slum.

On top of all that, I've been feeling so weak lately.  There is so much out there to do, and so many people to help and I've done nothing.  I've sat here and taken my life for granted and done nothing to help another human being in real need.  Who the hell do I think I am, just sitting here?

I want to go to Haiti and help build an expansion of the jail facility so that the man that stole a chicken doesn't have to share space with the man that killed his wife and kids.  I want to help rebuild homes that were lost and homes for those that always needed one.  Cleaning up the slums would be a magnificent feat, and then we could begin counseling programs and re-education programs for those that had to leave school.  On top of all that was lost, many young girls that lost their families were soon raped and beaten after being left alone, living in tents now instead of houses.  Lives are lost everyday and children are getting corrupted.  It makes me wonder what the hell someone like Oprah is doing buying another 50-room/43 bathroom home.  The square feet in her newest home equals the square footage of the entire city of Chicago!  ALL OF CHICAGO!  That's ridiculous.  Rich people are sick.

There's so much more that I can talk about doing, but I'm still here.  I'm still not doing anything yet.  Yet.  That is a key element in that sentence.  I believe I can still make the world a better place and improve my life, my inner being, a little more everyday.  It will take time and plenty of effort, but I am willing to try.

As far as my resolutions go:

  • I've lost a few pounds
  • I'm exercising 5-6 days a week
  • I am reading This Is Where I Leave You
  • I got a new job and I'm much happier there

Things are looking up.  Everyday I will reflect on who I am and who I'm going to be and move forward.
Until next time, enjoy a little Joshua Bell.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Fists up

So I am down to 161-162, depending on if i just ate! haha... That's a start.  I did only start dieting, really, Monday. I had began counting calories at the end of last semester but that didn't last throughout the holidays.  But now, I have a program on my phone and I have been easily inputting everything I eat and it's become really simple.  I also found out tons of ways to cut calories in half when eating pasta.  If you're using long, flat, wide noodles then get zuchinni and, with a peeler, peel away at the veggie until it's in a bunch of long strips, similar to the pasta and then throw those in half of your bowl and you go from 400 calories/bowl, to 180 depending on your pasta sauce.
Ravioli:  In place of the pasta in between layers,  use a large slice of eggplant every other layer.  It will be really good for you and taste really good, too!
Spaghetti:  Fork out the inside of a spaghetti squash and use that in place of half of your spaghetti noodles.

The best part of all this is that you don't have to feed everyone else your substitute.  I can feed the kids regular noodles, just the way they like it, and my man can have the same.  I can heat up the substitute on the side and just add it in my bowl along with noodles.  Pretty neat, huh?

I also discovered these probiotic unbleached flour tortillas.  They're really big, burrito sized, and I fill them with either 1/3 cup of black beans or corn that I've warmed up with mushrooms, then I top it off with avocado, sprouts, and freshly diced tomatoes and onion.  It's about 400 calories, total so it's a great dinner or if you half it, it can be a light lunch and snack for later.  Either way it tastes really good when you season it with Cavender's greek seasoning, and pepper, for any meal.

So, I've been jogging everyday, trying new ab workouts, and I tried a new machine yesterday and it burned double the calories, so I'm not just going to jog, I'm going to do that ski jogging machine from now on as well.  Tomorrow, I also start my Yoga class, which I'm really excited about.  I need to get an estimate for the damage on my car and then I'll feel free to buy the website registration for my online magazine.  I'm trying really hard not to cuss, Jeff and I are getting along well, at least these past couple of days.  You never know with us.  I finished my book Comes a Horseman about 2 weeks ago and I began to read another book called, This is Where I Leave You.  It's really good and I haven't gotten to the 4th chapter yet!

I am going to be really optimistic about this coming year.  I have a lot of choices to make and this year is definitely the year to make them.  Let's hope for the best and always send me your love and support. It helps so much to have such amazing friends.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Bigger person

Once again, I was so angry and sad because of Jeff but I extended a hand to him and asked him out.  It worked this time.  We had a great time with Phoenix at Texas Roadhouse, and then Grandpa Larry babysat while we went to two different features at The Alamo Drafthouse.  I'm happy that it finally worked.  He apologized about not coming home, about running away, I guess.  ::sigh:: baby-steps, guys.  I gotta take baby-steps.  The good news is we're still in love with eachother.  Ridiculously in love with each other and by that I mean, that we love each other so much but we're both ridiculous.

So, I went shopping yesterday.  I love shopping.  I bought new kids' clothes for all three babes, yoga clothes and a mat for my new class, some dresses and jeans for me, shoes for Jeff, makeup.... yeah I had a lot of fun.  It was all stuff we needed, though.  The boys were out of pants, so was Reagan, they are so  big now, and Jeff's shoes were covered in holes, I don't have a single pair of pants that fit me, and I needed yoga stuff for my class.

I will update tomorrow after I work out.